Recruiters, they're just telemarketers

I constantly hear about the problems between protesters and recruiters and recruiters hassling kids and issues like this. So for all the kids out there who are getting pressured by recruiters and aren’t sure what to do Ill give you a little guidance from someone who had to deal with this a few years back when they weren’t so pushy. First off this is assuming that you don’t want to join the military. If you are interested then I would suggest shopping around. If you want to join just so you can kill people and not go to jail then I would suggest the marines. If you want to join but you don’t want to get shot then try the Air Force, although I think they have the highest standards. If you just want the government to pay for your education and your broke then I would suggest looking into grants and scholarships, there’s a lot of money out there if you really look. But if it comes down to it and you need a job and an education and the military is the only option left then at least look around, get the most money/training you can. Remember recruiters are salesmen nothing more they are selling a product, so haggle the best deal you can out of each branch and then set them against each other. Divide and conquer, get them in a bidding war, pretend your making a deal with the devil for your soul, at least get the most for it that you can. Even the typical stunted imagination of today’s youth get pretend enough for that analogy. The people I know who did this both ended up in the Navy which seems to offer the most money, they’re fairly safe but then again they live on a boat, and even an aircraft carrier is pretty small once you look at the bunks, trust me. So back to my advice. First tell them about any medical conditions which my make you exempt. For me it was asthma, they heard that and quickly they started asking if it was still a problem and if a doctor would say it was still a problem, so obviously it was still a problem and I was able to get back to stealing music on Napster, I told you this was a few years ago, back when Napster was new, before I got kicked off by Metalica, fuck you Lars. Any way, Now we get to the main piece of advice I have for the youth who are being harassed by recruiters, LIE. Yup that’s it that’s my big advice. Fuck every person I know who’s joined up has told me that the recruiters lied to them in one way or another, sometimes minor things sometimes some pretty critical shit they lied about. So the old golden rule comes into effect treat them they way there going to treat you, lie tell them anything you can think of to get rid of them. Try the asthma thing, they might check your medical records in which case your fucked on trying to lie about anything medical. If you don’t care then tell them your gay. I would tell you to say you’re a drug addict but honestly that doesn’t stop them anymore. I know two people who should have failed their drug tests, both of them had their recruiters buy them that stuff that’s supposed to clear out your system so you can pass, both people had their recruiters buy them that shit enroute to the drug test. (ok of minor note here, enroute is a real word right? Word is telling me its not) Just remember kids recruiters are just telemarketing salesmen you don’t owe them shit. If your not planning on joining then you need to convince them not just that you don’t want to but that you can’t. This way they wont keep bugging you. If that’s not working then at least be extremely hostile towards them till they are convinced it’s not worth it to even try. You can try calling the cops on them, see if you can press harassment charges against them, if you can pull that off then I would be seriously impressed. But short of that stick with lying and just generally making it extremely clear that your not joining the military. Last time, they are telemarketers, we all enjoy talking shit to telemarketers and there is no reason to think that you owe these bald fucks any more respect than any other telemarketer. You have no obligation to them and many recruiters got that job because they didn’t want combat and they get better pay than a grunt. Call them out on it if you’ve really got balls or your on the phone, ask why they became recruiters, say that you want that job because then you can be a rifle dropper too. Ok now I’m just trying to think of ways to piss off recruiters, now before you take that part of the advice remember they still have a lot of training on how to inflict pain and are often angry people so I wouldn’t necessarily try these things if they encounter you in person. I would give them a false phone number though if they bugged me for one. Wow now I almost wish I was 18 again, I think I would memerize the number for the gay bar in town and give that to recruiters. Ok I’ve rambled enough on this one. Fuck recruiters.