Drama

Now this is a rambling post. read if you dare.

What the fuck is drama? I mean I know what a dramatic movie is. I know a dramatic person when I meet them, or at least if I know them for some period of time. But when someone say I don't have room or time from drama in my life, whats that supposed to mean? Life is drama, it's funny at times, it's serious at times, sometimes it just plain sucks but thats life. If your that afraid of drama then go live in a cave, then you'll find drama in the lives of your friends the bats. So I absolutely agree that some people maybe way to many people go out of there way to create drama where there is none, I might be guilty of that recently for the first time in my life. Usually I'm the one that looks at other people's relationships, I watch them fight about totally stupid shit and I tell them to shut the fuck up, your both half-wrong and show them that they are just being dumb. Then they laugh at themselves a little, then I act like an ass to get them to laugh some more and we're back to having fun. But recently I've been very dramatic to one person in particular. If you read my stuff a little while back you can probably guess who, hint: Boston. I owe her a huge apology. She's right. I've been totally blowing every interaction, or non-interaction, completely out of proportion. She gave me the hope and the confidence to get back into the dating world, or at least to toss stones into the pond. Unfortunately the dating world, especially in this shit-hole town is a thoroughly depressing place to be. If a girl is half-way intelligent, half-way attractive then they are probably smart enough to get the hell out of this town. Or the other very popular option (trust me it's my job) is to get pregnant. Now I'm sorry to all the single mothers out there but I'm just not ready to be a father. If I accidentally became a father then I would step up and take responsibility, that should go without saying, but if becoming a father to someone else's child is an option, it's one I'll decline. Again, sorry single moms. I need to get out of this town, I don't think my standards are that high, I want some one who's intelligent, easy going, liberal, and because we're all a little shallow lets go with not ugly. Unfortunately the only people I can usually find that fit that criteria are younger girls, the once who haven't abandoned this town yet which gets me into an awkward spot. When I say younger I mean college age, but often not old enough to drink. I get weirded out by that because I had a friend who liked girls that were simply too young, both morally and ethically, which is why I said friend in the past tense. There was even a point when I befriended a group of girls that were far too young, it was completely innocent, we played basketball together, I talked about this a bit over a year ago, but I'll admit I had impure thoughts at which point I looked at the path I was on and stopped hanging out with all of them, including my former friend. Nothing ever happened but ever since I've been concerned about dating younger women. My best friend is 25 and dating a 19 year old, another friend is 26 and also dating a 19 year, actually she might be 18 but she's chill, but I'm still weirded out by the whole idea of Teen. There's a girl I was interested in, I met here a year ago, my friend came to my house with his GF, and she brought over a few friends. I had a great conversation with a lovely lady but she was in high school (or maybe just graduated) at the time and there was no way I was going to even consider perusing her, this was shortly after I had broken off connections with the former friend. But now a year has passed and I've been talking to her a little, all the friends that I have asked have said that after a year of college she's fair game. I didn't bother asking the guys with younger GF's I knew their opinions. But I'm still not comfortable with it. I'm sick of being single, I'm trying to find someone to care about, but I have this pathetic desperation that is hardly attractive, oh and I'm far from being physically attractive which doesn't help matters any. So thats it thats me, a pathetic hopeless romantic thats just looking for one person to really care about me, at the moment even my usual friends feel distant to me. I almost want to go back to the routine mild depression that was my defense for so many years, as Pink Floyd would say, my Wall. Then again those days weren't much fun either, hence the mild depression. Ugh. Eh who knows, I just gotta get out of this nasty rut I'm in and move on, I don't care where to anymore, I just need to get out of this town, out of this dead end job. So thats my depressing little story of the day.