Tuesday, September 01, 2009

It's complicated

Ok I haven't posted anything in a long time. Sorry bout that. I'm now unemployed so I don't spend hours staring at a computer screen. That probably sounds kinda backwards but I had a really boring job. Plus last time I wrote something from my phone in never posted which sucks cause i put some effort into it. I'm so far behind with what's going on in the world I can't really say much as far as that goes.

On the other hand part of why I'm so detached from the world is because I've been spending a lot of time with a beautiful woman. She's fun, she's crazy, a really great person. So of course it can't be quite that simple. Ok she's a mom but that's not the issue. The real hold up is she is very religious. We met about a year ago at school. I'd been checking out the selection in the room and there isn't much other than ones I later described to a friend as, "really cute little girls."
"little girls?" she says.
"yeah, so you see the problem."
Then just as the class is supposed to begin in walks this gorgeous tall thin redhead. My curiousity was piqued. A few weeks later were get put into a group to make up a little psych study, no big deal stupid little classroom project. But most of my group was fucking idiots. I basically had the project done as I read what we had to do. So I'm fighting with the stupid and gorgeous is making it he'll. It was weird because the others seemed genuinely stupid, she just confused me. The ideas that this person I've never spoken to before is just fucking with me to get me riled up didn't occure to me but that is in fact exactly what was going on. You can see why I like her so much.

We got to be pretty good friends but she made it very clear from the start that there was no possibility of it going beyond friendship because I wasn't a Christian. We still had fun, a lot of flirty and even quite dirty conversations but all just joking around, well mostly joking. Then she started dating this douche canoe. She said he was great but everything she told me just threw up one giant red flag after another that he was going to use her. I told her this repeatedly, but to no avail. Then we fooled around a bit one night and she decided she couldn't have a long distance relationship with the douche and be flirtatious friends with me. Unfortunatle for both of us she dropped me instead of him. We didn't talk for many months. Eventually she realized that he was just using her and dumped his ass. Then oh a month or so ago she starts talking to me again.

I stuff my foot far enough into my mouth that I'm licking the back of my knee, then she pisses me off. Somehow that brought us even closer together. So my feelings waiver as to if i could date her, could it possibly work? We continue to spend a lot of time together and have just become closer and closer. I don't think she is quite ready to date an atheist, but I know the wall has been severely damaged. It's a weird spot. We both really like each other and care about one another. Were comfortable and honest which is huge to me. But the fact that we have such opposite world views is clearly a problem. I did go to church with her last weekend. That should tell you how much I like her considering I have the big scarlet "A" on this website and this post will be posted on planet atheism. Oh but it should be noted that I'm not the kind of asshole who's going to pretend to convert just to get with a girl. But I will sit through some crap I don't like to get this girl. Even without dating she makes me a better person, Ive hardly drank at all since we started hanging out. I'm not sure what's going to happen but I really like her and she likes me too. Oh and I've even met her family at her sons birthday party, her mom apparently really liked me and said that if I was a christian I'd be a keeper. We know each others flaws, and we accept them so maybe there is more than just friendship in our future.


Anonymous said...

Who's using who here? Sounds like you're the one being used. Too bad.

Kilgore Trout said...

Yeah I give more than I take but I get plenty of statisfaction out of our friendship. When I posted this i really thought there was a chance, but there isn't. When I told myself I could make it work I was lying to myself. Luckily a friend made the obvious observation that there's no way I would be able to help raise devote Christian kids. So now were just back to being flirtatious friends. Unfortunately she has also started talking to the douche bag again. It's funny how even her family likes the atheist better than the supposedly devout Christian, then again parents always like me, it's probably part of why girls don't. Anyway I really really hope she doesn't let the bag o' douche hurt her again, i might be forced to do something against my pacifist nature. Beyond that though we're where we should be and having fun. I let myself fall for her briefly, it's pretty hard not to, but I've moved on and things are better for it.