Another update

once again don’t read this if you haven’t read the "serious not politics" and the two "updates" then don’t read this.

I told the girls that I had talked to my boss and another person that I work with about the whole situation. I told them that I was strongly advised not to hang out with them any more. I told them that I had not made up my mind for sure but that I had to do some serious thinking about the matter. I am going to tell them that they can call me anytime they need and I’m still their friend. They understood where I was coming from when I said that I could get in very serious trouble and could possibly fuck my life up for a long time if they were caught drinking around me. I haven’t entirely made up my mind. I know that my boss is right and that there is just to much risk. But there is still the lingering fact that I do enjoy hanging out with them and I do feel like I can help them out with a lot of little things in life. Actually the one girl gave me the second nicest compliment that I’ve ever had. She told me that I was the happiest person that she knew, and that she was just happier when I was around. I thought that was sweet. still the greatest compliment I’ve ever received was from the girl I worked with this summer. It was actually very similar; she told me that I made her feel better about herself. I really can’t think of a much nicer thing to say about some one than what these two people told me. I guess my way of dealing with depression is to compliment others. Its amazing how much difference you can make in a girls day just by saying, hey that’s a nice shirt or just that they look good today. The important thing is to mean it when you say it. If you don’t think they look good then don’t say they do. But on those days that they are looking nice then tell them. Guys like being complimented too, but it doesn’t have as great an affect. just some simple compliments and then just be a good friend and soon they will make you feel better about your self. But start by giving and you will always receive. That is another reason why I don’t want to lose these friends. They make me feel better too. I see that big ol' smile shining at me and I just know that I’m bringing a little joy into the world. Is that so wrong? Probably not, but there is a great risk involved with them. And its not that I disagree with the law in this case the law is there to protect young people from negative influences, or worse. And the sad truth is that there are probably a lot more people with bad intentions than good. Well that’s probably not true. I say probably to much. I don’t like to make definitive statements about things I’m not sure about. Maybe I should stop thinking about this as if I’m out here trying to save these kids. They’re basically all right, I’m not going to change their whole lives around. I might be able to convince one to go seek counseling and I might be able to help a couple of them do better in school. I can try to convince them to wear seatbelts and stop littering. The littering drives me crazy cause its just laziness, there’s usually a trash can with in reasonable range. But I’m not very likely to make any really big changes in any of their lives. Well the one girls life could be changed pretty dramatically in the future by whether or not she seeks counseling. Hell even in that case I don’t know how much difference it will make. She seems pretty well adjusted, but then again it may just be defense in action. I still want her to go to for help from a professional. This friend ship has been far and away the oddest I’ve ever had, but that doesn’t mean its any less of a friend ship. I think I’ve been able to help them out with a few typical teenage questions and hopefully helped with one major issue, and in return I’ve been exercising and laughing. Im not sure why I think of this now but yesterday one of the girls was telling me that she might be put into special education classes. I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that. I knew she had a learning disability and that she had to get help taking tests. I just figured it was ADD or something like that. Although now that I think about it she doesn’t act ADD. She said she’s slow, not exactly a medical description but I suppose that maybe she is just low IQ. I’ve never really been friends with someone who is “slow� so I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that statement. I just asked how she felt about being put into those classes. She said that its easier to graduate and she wont have to take regents and that type of reaction. I’m not really sure how to feel about that one. She definitely isn’t a genius but she seems intelligent enough. She doesn’t seems stupid, I’m trying to come up with a way to say that nicely but I can’t. I just worry about chances of getting into colleges and getting a job, beyond McDonalds, with that diploma. I assume it’s a different diploma, maybe not though. Oh in trying to rub my morals off on these girls I had to yell at one of them for skipping school yesterday. Her older sister finally got her drivers license so they drove around all day. I was pretty disappointed with her for skipping. The problem is that her mother lets her do this shit all the time. I’m not trying to say that I’m a perfect person or anything even close to it. I have my problems just like anyone else, but I do have a few positive morals that I would like them to have as well. I know what I should do and I have feeling I know what I’ll actually do, and as usual they aren’t exactly the same. I should tell them that I cant see them but to call me if they ever need to. What probably will happen is that I will still see them but I will be more careful, I’ll probably see them less and less until we just kind of drift apart. We’ll still run into each other from time to time but it wont be very often. I’m not really sure that it’s a good plan but its realistic. I know myself fairly well and that’s just what I foresee. As long as I just watch my ass and don’t do anything stupid it should be ok. I don’t know the other idea really does make more sense, its just seems kind of cold. She tells me about the most traumatic things in her life and I turn around and say that’s cool, but I gotta go cause I don’t trust you not to get me in trouble. This shouldn’t be this hard of a decision. I do care about these girls and I want to guide them, to help them reach the potential that I can see in them. At the same time I could squander all of my own potential if any thing happened. I hate the idea of just looking out for myself though. Do the ends justify the means? If I can help someone does it matter how its done? Yes it does matter, fuck Machiavelli.