Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Dick goes to the ballgame

Cheney on Crooks and Liars, seems fitting

Dick Cheney went to the Washington Nationals opener to throw out the first pitch, but his ball went wild and struck Mark Maguire who then charged the mount in a vicious 'roid rage who was tackled only moments before striking the Vice President with the bat by two rather reluctant looking secret service agents. We have not been able to locate Maguire for questioning. Cheney collapsed from a massive heart attack during the ensuing skirmish between agents and Maguire. The Vice President was immediately airlifted to the hospital for the second time that day, the earlier incident being a drill set up by Cheney to test the response time of his medical team. Later being quoted as saying "I seen Jr. get four tires and gas in 11 seconds I should be able to get an new heart in under 30 minutes, shit they got all them quick disconnects in their now , and a zipper to open my chest. Which was quite beneficial as during the practice drill the team actually defibulated the VP "several" times before realizing his heart only beats twice per minute. When questioned why they did not know it was only a test they said they had not been notified. Cheney commented saying that it was classified information and asked if I was trying to help the terrorists by asking such things, then saying of course I did tell that one reporter about it, and told scooter to pass it on...

oh or he got booed at the stadium, which is funny too.

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