Well I met with President Bush yesterday, we celebrated another wonderful holiday to commemorate how much we value life, human life, American human life, of a fetus. We started off with a big breakfast, lots of eggs, one of which contained a partially developed chick, which of course George beat me too. Hes a quick one, we both love those types of eggs cause of the satisfying crunch they have. Then George had to do a press conference which always gets him a bit high strung so we went to the bathroom for a quick rail of the white stuff to calm his nerves a bit, I have no idea how that man can calm down from a fat line, I mean we're talking seriously pure Columbian stuff here, I was geeked right outta my mind but he became calm as pussycat on thorazine. After the meeting he went for a bike ride, I sat in his office and played Gears of War on his Xbox 360, a gun with a built in chainsaw, frickin' sweet.
When he got back he told me all about how we need to save the innocent babies, I was rolling on the floor, tears flowing outta my eyes, I think I broke a rib type of laughing. He held his composure for quite a while before breaking into an uncontrollable fit of laugher for a good 15 minutes. He even threw in a crack about, " we gotta save the babies, Foley's got first dibs." We then went skeet shooting, he has a specially made launcher that actually throws "suspected terrorists" about 60 feet through the air. As soon as I saw it fire I said, "you got this idea from Mel Brooks' History of the World didn't you?" to which he responded that Mel is awesome, and its too bad that he's a heathen who doesn't love the baby jesus or else he would look forward to hanging out in heaven with him. To which I said, he's still alive you could hang out with him here if you want to, to which george said, "who's not dead?" We finished up our skeet shooting, BTW george is a way better shot than me, although I did beat Dick, He shot 3 secret service agents, and almost shot me after I pointed out that agents don't count because they were still on the ground, and he had ordered them to stand still.
We went back inside, ate some ludes, smoked a joint and started prank calling Planned Parenthood clinics around the country. Then we called in a death threat to Hillary just for fun, I didn't really want to but he said we must, it was Sunday after all. After all this important work with the sanctity of life he said he had to buckle down and get some important work done, and could I turn down the volume on the Xbox, on the surge. I laughed at him for working on an increase in troop levels on Sanctity of Life Day, he didn't get the joke at all, he then threw an ashtray at my head for insulting him and using big words. He said that he didn't want to share a Vietnamese whore with me anymore and told me to leave. I stole his bike and went home. So thats how I spent sanctity of life day, how did you spend yours?
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2 comments:
Now that was a great story... you have one hell of a creative mind.
What in the hell made you think of writing this?
Funny thing is this sounds more realistic to Bush than most "real" shit I hear.
PS: Why do I always have to enter the word verification twice to commment?
no idea why the double word verification, it does that to me too, if I haven't signed into blogger.
And I thought of writing it cause I found out that sunday was "national sanctity of life day" thats all it took, and sometimes its just more fun to write in the first person, even if its not true, as long as you make it clear that its fiction, and I think it was, wow, my english teachers would be proud of that run-on.
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