women

this isn't going to be about feminism or equal rights or anything like that, for me this is an old school cathartic post and nothing more. For the record I'm all for equality. An old friend has been back in town this week and I'm really enjoying spending time with her. We had a bit of an awkward situation for a long time but now things are as they were in the good times. But it has reminded me of just how amazingly inept I really am when it comes to the fairer sex. I say this because I find out that said friend had a crush on me and that was the reason for the awkwardness, now I was about as madly in love with this girl as anyone can be in high school (and early HS at that) and yet somehow completely failed to see that she felt at least somewhat the same. Now typically this would sound like a fairly normal high school misunderstanding, which in and of itself it is. Unfortunately its also what I have long considered the root of my devastating romantic failures. See we were really good friends. Hung out all the time, watched monty python and did what pre-driving teens do, not much. Then one day we fooled around a little, I had never kissed a girl before, at least not like that. This went on for a little while and then suddenly things were different, and not in a good way. Things were awkward and we stopped hanging out at all. Now this seems like a pretty minor thing but for me I was an immature boy who had just had his heart stomped on and lost one of his best friends in the process. This lead me to have a problem of wanting someone to date that I was as comfortable with as I was with this very close friend. Which doesn't happen. So now anyone I'm interested in as a very high hurdle to clear, but with that comes a horrible fear of losing them as a friend so if they are chill enough that I'm willing to date them then ipso facto I don't want to lose them as a friend. Its a cruel catch-22 for my heart. So now back to what I was saying before, take the moment I blame for the fact that I have never had a serious girlfriend, and suddenly find out that it was all a big misunderstanding. Why the hell am I telling this to everyone? eh why not. I could go on, maybe I will later who knows. But right now I have to go pick up the friend I was talking about so we can have lunch.