Monday, October 15, 2007

Friends/ the point of religion

I meant to do this awhile ago but I didn't so here it is, and I'm going to hit on two completely separate issues the point of religion probably being deserving of its own post but I don't feel like it, its not like I have a huge amount of respect for religion anyway so putting it behind my friends seems fitting. First off I had a shitty weekend, a family member is ill, nothing life threatening but in the hospital and no one knows whats going on, no fun at all. But I don't feel like talking about that. In telling the people I work with, many of whom are nurses, about the family member about half of them finished with "I'll keep her in my prayers" or something like that. First I need to hold back from laughing as I've never really stated my atheistic views at work although those I work with closely could probably guess correctly. But there are a few devout folks around and it's easier not to stir up trouble in the workplace, I think on my last day I'm going to tell a few of them just to see the reaction, it'll be great, especially the fundie who thinks the world of me. I'm sure she thinks she's never met an atheist and would know them by their pure evil, she won't know what to think when the first open atheist is the guy who saves her ass by taking the mail, fixes her computer and moves anything heavy around the office, ha. Anyway, that simply little phrase "I'll keep her in my prayers" as empty as it seems to me, pretty well sums up religion. I can fully understand the comfort of thinking that some higher power is looking out for you and your loved ones, particularly in a case like this where someone is in the hospital and no one know what the problem is. Its a very helpless feeling, I just see looking to imaginary friends for support as counterproductive but who am I to judge the feelings of others?

And now to my original point about friends. I know I go on rants and depressed commentary on what I'll loosely call my love life, but I was reminded not to long ago of why I still have hope. To me a relationship is founded on friendship, love being just the ultimate form of friendship. Or it should be, I've seen many that aren't and they don't last or they're ugly relationships. So in my mind, and man I hope I'm right, if you can have good friends then you can find that friend thats more than a friend. This is why I'm able to hang on to hope for love, I have awesome friends. My best example of that, a friend of mine helped clean my apartment a couple weeks ago. When I say he helped I mean he practically shoved me out of the way and cleaned it himself. He's cleaned peoples houses and businesses for years because when you have no job training you end up doing random jobs like that. Plus once he got started his OCD took over and he had to finish. Most of my friends are broke, real broke, but almost anyone of them would do anything them possibly could to help me, because we're friends. There was a time a while back where I basically didn't have enough cash for food, I was working but had been dumb with my finances and it caught up with me, so I had like ten bucks for the week. So I took turns going to different friends houses for dinner and skipped lunch. When I said I'd pay them back they all said "don't worry about it, we all go through rough patches, you'd do the same for me," and its true I would and I have. So I consider myself a good friend, I assume they think that of me because thats how I think of them. And I didn't even get to the one who often DD's and has picked me up at like 7 am when my truck died, she's a hell of a friend too, and I'm happy to say she might have found more than a friend.

Oh and all this crap about friends and love is trying to bolster myself up because I might have a date with a very pretty lady this weekend. I'm just trying not to think about it too much, I have too much time to think about shit like this and it usually just hurts the situation because i come off as crazed stalker type when i reality its just that I've got nothing else goin on, oh and I'm a quixotic fool. So it goes.


Byshop said...

Love is the key ingredient to life, or at least a fulilled life. Love is easy to give, not always easy to get and I find it to be the opposite of what I thought it would be. I always figured it was the love I have for someone that would be the high, but it was the love I got that sent me into the clouds. I never lived until I was loved.

The love of my life was found literally by accident, had I been paying attention I might not have found her. That is the best advice I can give. Don't force it. It was after I had become content to be and just live my life. I bounced around for a while, I had accepted that doing so made finding love difficult.

I guess what I am trying to say is let love find you. It will. They say when you are lost the best thing you can do is stay where you are, you have a much better chance of being found. I find this applies to many more aspects of life than search and rescue. Be patient, don't require perfection (cause no one is), to thine own self be true (can't emphasise that enough, you front, your love is a front). You will know when it happens. When that person feels like an extension of you and not a second party. As cliche as it is, love found me when I quit looking for it.

Kilgore Trout said...

Yeah thats pretty much what happened to me this summer, love found me like a wreaking ball. Then she pointed out that she was in a long term relationship. But I chronicled that well enough on this blog at the time and don't feel like getting into it again. If for some strange reason you want to read about the crushing of my heart then go look through the archives.

As for not fronting, or being fake to any older folks who read this, thats one thing I'm not concerned with. I've always been very genuine at least to the extent that I have myself figured out. I don't put on a facade to impress people, although different parts of my personality come out depending on who I'm around.

Yeah like I said I had almost completely given up on trying for a while thats when the craziness happened. Unfortunately I'm a quixotic fool who will just ramble on and on because I have a really boring job that leaves me way too much time to think about anyone I have the slightest interest and if I think they have the slightest interest in me then its all over. The ridiculous level I built up in my head over hot intern when in reality we'd just shared a few laughs is a perfect example.

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts and the advice. Peace