Tuesday, November 06, 2007

I got into a fight with Mr. Morgan

Captain Morgan to be precise. I think I'm going to lay off the hard stuff for a while. I was trying to go that route as opposed to beer as a half assed diet idea. A lot less calories in liquor than in a shit load of beer. Guess I'll have to do some extra sit-ups because The Captain causes too many other problems. Namely getting wasted and passing out at a party. Real wasted. Like on the drive home I mentioned how the girl from last week was being pretty rude, she refused to so much as make eye-contact with me, let alone actually talk. To which my friend casually replied maybe it's because you were making out with Blah Blah Blah*. Um I did what now? First she was acting that way as soon as she showed up so no thats not the reason, but more importantly which one was Blah Blah Blah? He described her. Really? Sweet, she seemed pretty damn chill, cute too. Then he pointed out that she wasn't exactly single (either has a BF or very recently broke up, hear two stories) and so her friend stepped in to break us apart. Then I got worried, my drunk ass making out with an attractive woman and someone tried to interfere? Shit what sort of stupidity did I engage in after that. Nah you were very respectful, no one was made at you, she asked you to stop and you did. Oh cool, take that Mr. Morgan! I can retain some self control even while under your spell. Of course I'm guessing that rejection might also have led to my excessive alcohol consumption, it was probably excessive before but I can see myself being angry (or at least unhappy)at that point and just flipping the bottle vertical to drown any feelings I might have tried to experience. None of it really matters, other than the fact that I think I'm going to lay off the alcohol in general for a bit, but especially avoid the liquor, beer and wine I have half a chance at moderation. Oh and I'm hoping that Blah Blah Blah is in the recently single category, she was cool, well from the evening that I remember, and apparently even what I don't remember I considered a good thing at the time. I'm actually glad that things were stopped between us, I don't want to be the drunken rebound hook up. I'd like a relationship with someone, and thats not a good way to start. Of course if I'm not careful I could also develop a reputation as a man whore, which would be incredibly ironic. Then there is the new woman at work, I don't know if shes single but if she is well I'll probably make a complete ass of myself, wish me luck!

* identity hidden - thank you Biz Markie.

25 comments:

Byshop said...

Fuck with the captain... walk the plank. Why exactly are you on a diet? Remember Jesus was on the cross for quite a while before he looked like he is portrayed on the cross. I think your taking that costume way too far.

As a person who has lost 110 lbs to get to 270... STFU and eat a twinkie.

Kilgore Trout said...

I'm not even sure where to begin, so I'll be possitive. Congrats on losing 110lbs, thats damn impressive. Second my version of being on a "diet" is only having pizza once a week. And cutting back on soda. Plus I don't even like twinkies.

The reason I don't want to fuck with the captain has much more to do with the fact that if I go to a party and make out with a cute college chick I'd like to be able to remember it. And the half-ass diet is purely because I'm sick of being single, we live in a shallow world,and I need to get laid. Plus I realized that I'm a lot more shallow than I ever wanted to admit before, personality is still the cornerstone but if she can make me melt with a smile then well thats nice too. I'm a sucker for a pretty face.

Byshop said...

I hate the internet. Shoulda put a bustin balls disclaimer...

Kilgore Trout said...

The dangers of text.
So did you really lose 110lbs?

Byshop said...

Yep, I have Obstructive Sleep Apnea, a condition where I stop breathing during sleep. The rate considered severe is 40 episodes (choking) per hour. I clocked in at 88. Due to all the procedures I've had the only thing left was to lose weight (which is typically the driving factor in apnea, not the main issue in my case but a decent portion of it.) and the doc said all that was left for me to do was to lose wieght to improve, the rest of me wasn't getting any better. I have battled with wieght since I was 7 so this was no light task. I would basically expend more energy while sleeping than I recovered and was a narcoleptic zombie, which can be real fun when you commute 40 miles each way to work. What really did it for me is one day I went into the doctors office and got weighed, I expected to come in around 320 and ended up at 380. I was in shock so I decided I was going to do something about it and over about 18 months I lost the weight, something I had never been able to do before.

Kilgore Trout said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kilgore Trout said...

I'm happy I lost 20 lbs and would like to lose quite a few more, and almost solely driven by the desires of the flesh.
Then Byshop strolls through and says he lost 110, and if he didn't he might die in his sleep.
Might as well call me Mario, I just got "one-up"ed.

Anonymous said...

I think you're beautiful just the way you are.

Kilgore Trout said...

Is that you stalker? or is this some random person who saw my jesus pics? I mean I am a damn sexy jesus, but I'm guessing that was stalker, or someone else in stalkers house.

For anyone reading this, stalker is my friend, it's cool.

Anonymous said...

Not stalker, nor do I know who stalker is. I don't generally consider myself random though.

Kilgore Trout said...

hmmm.... We could turn this into twenty questions. Except I'll only be online a couple more hours.

You don't consider yourself random, so I'll assume that mean I know you.

You don't know who stalker is, so you're not one of punk crowd. I'm fairly sure all of them know who my stalker is.

Am I related to you?

Rob the Granola Guy said...

Byshop...I just got a cpap machine instead of losing weight.

Byshop said...

Yeah tried that(actually a bi-pap), they had to put it to 14 lbs which is huge(14 inhale, 7 exhale), I would rip it off in the middle of the night with out waking.

Byshop said...

kil... I am betting it's a chick, the grammer is way too good.

Anonymous said...

So you must be female to have good grammar?

Kilgore Trout said...

I'm not sure what that question is asking. I'm a guy, theres a picture of me dressed as Jesus a few posts below. Plus I have horrid grammar.

And I never said you were female, although it was my assumption based on your first comment, although I'm now realizing that was not necessarily a good assumption.

Do I know you Anonymous?

Anonymous said...

You know of me, at least. I am female and faking the decent grammar. I should include that I'm in a relationship, in the case that you do find out who I am there are no misleadings. The relationship factor does not change my opinion of you being beautiful, which is based on what I know of your personality as well as your appearance, (you ARE one damn sexy jesus). Also, I think you have excellent grammar.

Byshop said...

DITCH THE LOSER AND GET WITH THE BOOZER!

Sorry, it was just too perfect a setup. Didn't mean anything by it, unless of course, you know, you think it's a good idea. *wink wink, nudge nudge*

Kilgore Trout said...

Intriguing...

So I at least know of you? And obviously I missed the one comment by Byshop hence the confusion about the female/grammar stuff.

As for the relationship, I've got a bit of a thing for someone else at the moment, but if you read this blog you know I'm a quixotic fool, so thank you for the warning.

Are you an el-town local?

Anonymous said...

We have something in common then: I also could be considered a quixotic fool, before I recently settled down of course.

Good luck with the lady. May I suggest after the classic dinner a less traditional activity? Women love a good surprise as long as you've prepared properly.

Good old El-town. I've been here a long time and I must admit I may never leave, unless some very sweet, persuasive guy wanted me to leave with him.

And thank you byshop, but good advice is rarely taken.

Kilgore Trout said...

hmm.... Seeing as I still don't know who you are I have no idea how well you know me, so I don't know if you understand the true gravity of my ineptitude when it come to women. I have no idea what would be a normal after dinner activity let alone a surprising one. Plus I'm flat broke at the moment, but I can't wait till the next paycheck to ask her out I don't have that kind of patience. I'm probably going to be skipping a few meals just to pay for the dinner, a price I'll happily pay. Anyway, if you have any suggestions I'm all ears. I realize this is the "from the heart" crap that I should be coming up with on my own, but all I know is when I like a girl I want to be around them, the activity hardly matters.

Are you ever going to tell me who you are?

Kilgore Trout said...

now my sister is recommending doing lunch instead, something more casual less big date. It would be much easier, and cheaper...

Anonymous said...

and provide for an afternoon of fun! Lunch demands less, I think. Great idea from your sister.
A walk after lunch, to a nice park where you could have dessert that you've prepared (cookies are easy and cheap, and go well with coffee) if it's warm enough outside. Lunch in Corning? Take her to a pottery studio to make something. Or to the glass museum. All are fairly affordable if you didn't bust your budget on lunch. (I know that I love spending an afternoon on Market street, perusing the shops, having coffee, and stopping at every bar for a beer.) If she's comfortable enough with you, you could make her lunch at your home. That's much cheaper and you could impress her with your culinary skills, if you have any! I don't know you well enough to know if you do.

I don't want you to know who I am yet. I feel that I'm overstepping boundaries, and to be honest I'm a bit uncomfortable about it.

Kilgore Trout said...

I'll stop asking who you are then. Or find me on myspace if you're more comfortable with that. If not well I appreciate the advice.

Yeah my thought was just a quick lunch during work, the idea of a nice walk afterwards had already crossed my mind so I think I'll try that.

And Corning is no good, at least at this point because my mom owns a store on Market Street so I can't do market without saying hi, and don't think meeting the family is a good first date move. Even if everyone does love my parents. If it wasn't for that I'd think it was a great idea.

Kilgore Trout said...

Well I can't break out The Vandals jam, "I have a date" but we are going to lunch on Wednesday. I need to keep reminding myself that I've been single a damn long time, a little longer isn't going to hurt. much.

Thanks for the advice everyone.