Thursday, January 31, 2008

Rest In Peace Cathy

A friend of mine has passed away. She was 21 years old, she was beautiful she was kind and she drove on an icy morning, and for that minor lapse of judgment shes gone. She was not a close friend, we only hung out a few times but she was a good person and shes gone now. We disagreed on many things, she was raised as a fundamentalist christian, she once had written on her myspace, "People I'd like to meet: Darwin, so I can kick his ass for the lies he taught people." Its fair to say that on a great many subjects we disagreed, often with diametrically opposed views. Her views still came from a desire to do good and make people happy, she just had a different vision of happiness. I'm sure the wake will be very different than any I've been to before, I will be uncomfortable with the religiosity, I don't know words to comfort a religious person who's just lost someone so young. But it doesn't matter, if I can get there I'll be there, I don't know why but I need to be. She might not have been a close friend but it's also the first time I've ever lost someone younger than myself, so its hit me surprisingly hard. Its also the first time I've ever been shot down by a dead person, she was very cute. I was already having a bad day but suddenly all my petty shit about my car breaking down, all the stupid drama and the bullshit we put ourselves through, it doesn't matter. Our lives are exceedingly short, and the evidence as I see it leads to the notion that this is the only shot we've got, so lets make the most of it. Be happy, try to make other people happy because before you know it someone will be thinking of you saying, so it goes...

3 comments:

Karen said...

I think the kindest thing to say to anyone is "I'm so very sorry." Look them in the eye, shake their hand if appropriate, and just say it. If the context is right, you also add that you didn't know her all that well, but you thought she was a wonderful person and you'll miss her. Let those leading or participating in the service say the appropriate goddy things in that context.

Karen said...

And of course, what I meant to add, was I'm sorry you've lost your friend. Grief is painful; giving you some perspective on your own life is a small positive side-effect of a nasty blow.

Kilgore Trout said...

Thank you.

Its not that I don't know comforting words, although really there are no words that can console someone who's lost so much. Honestly just being there shows that you care more than anything. The only reason its awkward is that everyone else will be saying she's in heaven now, hows she looking down at us, prayers for the family and I cannot participate. I'll bow my head out of respect for a friend if appropriate, a funeral is no time for defiant idealogical statements. If pressed I will talk about the times we laughed I'm not going to lie and talk about meeting her in heaven, I just hope I'm able to avoid being pressed. Shouldn't be a problem as the only person I'll know there knows where I stand on all of this.

She's also the one I'm going for. She's my best friends GF and they live 1/3 of the way across the country so he was not able to come. I'm sure he's crushed about having to send his better half off on a 10 hour drive alone in such a state but sometimes thats the way things go. The best way I can help them both is to be there for my friend.

Thanks again Karen