Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween

I like this holiday. It has no pretensions of anything serious, at least anymore. It's just an excuse to dress up, be silly, and have a good time. During Christmas and Thanksgiving suicides go up people think about those they miss and all sorts of depressing shit, don't get me wrong theres lots of fun in those holidays too but there is justifiable sadness too. Halloween is just fun, no one looks down on you if you don't like Halloween, you don't get called a grinch you're just not in costume. I for one had a blast this weekend. Now that I got shit straightened out with Garfunkel, that was her costume, all thats left is a bunch of good memories, some are a little fuzzy but I got nothing bad. It also was quite possibly the most blasphemy I've ever packed into a weekend. I dressed as Jesus so naturally I had to tell some Jesus jokes. I actually think my costume turned out pretty good, so good in fact that I might even discard my anonymity for the moment and post a picture of my self, in two years with this blog I have never done this. I think I only used my real name once. The anonymity is part of why I blog, I'm free to say anything I possibly want about any subject that I want. I'll go on a huge rant about some politician or some emo ass whining about some misadventure in the land of the ladies and it doesn't matter. Oh well its a bad ass costume and I need to show it off, oh and Jesus has gained a lot of weight since he died, two thousand years of partying in heaven, and I don't fuck with no light beer.
I should also point out that this is my Fourth party of the weekend so I'm not quite as dapper as I once looked.

Why do the ladies love Jesus? Cause he's hung like this!
I used that joke many many times. Plus I got to do the joke from The Crow, I was at a big party at the Holiday Inn and walked up to the counter, slapped three big ass nails down and said, "hey, can ya put me up for the night?" The lady behind the counter just said, "I've had a shitty night, that just made it a little better." So Jesus did a good deed. I carried those nails for two days just so I could use that joke. I also had a water bottle filled with wine. One fun part was at the bar the second night I had forgotten to hit the ATM so I walked a couple blocks to the nearest one. I walked in and immediately everyone is looking at me. I just laughed, looked around and found the ATM. Three younger guys were particularly amused, one started to take a picture with his cell phone. So I told him my why do the ladies love Jesus joke, two started laughing and the one with his phone out suddenly didn't look amused. "I believe that if Jesus drops you with his left hand he catches you with his right." So I whipped out my nails and asked him if he could put me up for the night. then walked away. In retrospect I should have said, yeah he catches you, unless you fall through that hole in the middle of his hand. Hindsight is 20/20. His friends were still laughing. Then finished the night at a party with a very nice guy/girl ratio and Jesus fooled around with Garfunkel. I love Halloween.


Byshop said...

That's freaking great man, good shit.

What did the vampire priest say to the alter boy?

I Vant to fuuuck your buuutt.

much better verbally, but funny none the less.

Kilgore Trout said...

wow, I wish I had heard that joke earlier, I definitely would have used that one.