D'oh part 2

You, you got what I need but you say I'm just a friend
And you say I'm just a friend, oh baby
You, you got what I need but you say I'm just a friend
But you say I'm just a friend, oh baby
You, you got what I need but you say I'm just a friend
But you say I'm just a friend

The only reason I feel like a total ass right now is because even before she knew I was interested she had said she wasn't looking for a relationship, and because I told practically every person I know that I was chasing her. It's that second part thats the real embarrassment.

We had a nice lunch at a local pizza shop of her choosing, with a nice relaxed conversation. She had already figured out that I was interested so before we even got there I cleared the air by saying, yes I'm interested in you but I know your not so this is just as friends. It's probably a good thing because even if things had been going to my original plan I would have been nervous and wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself or her company.

This next part kind of wanders through theoretical relationship with any girl I like or this specific one without really making it clear because well they're both theoretical at this point. The truth is that I like this girl, and when I think of a perfect relationship I essentially think of finding your best friend of the opposite sex (or same if you swing that way). What I'm saying is that I'm ok with trying to be her friend first because I truly believe that a relationship should be based on friendship first. She knows how I feel, I'm going to continue to try to be as good a friend to her as I can and hopefully she'll realize that there aren't too many out there like me, especially in this town. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I think I could make someone very happy, if they'd just give me a chance. I think my biggest stumbling points in no particular order are I don't make much money, despite what Anonymous said I'm not very good looking, and a combination of too much raw love and too little experience. I say that love is a problem for me because I've been so long without anyone to give it too that if anyone shows the slightest interest I fall head over heals and fawn all over them. They give me an especially nice smile and I'm envisioning growing old together, I'm seriously that bad. This is a problem because for obvious reasons it's very easy to come across as like a freaking stalker or something. The lack of experience pretty much explains itself, I've never had a real girlfriend, and there isn't really anyway I can get around that fact. The lack of money, well not everyone is that interested in money, and I've never been without a job so I might be broke but at least I'm stable. Plus I might have a new roommate soon which will put quite a bit of cash into my pocket be greatly reducing my bills. As for the looks, well despite the good natured ribbing from Byshop I am starting to lose some weight and while I've been a bit stagnant lately I think part of that is because I'm building a little muscle. My original bench press weight was pretty pathetic, partly because I wanted to get my form down and ease into it so I didn't fuck myself up, but also cause I work in an office and I'm weak. But in the oh 6 weeks or so that I've been working out with my friend I've gone from benching about 115 to 205. 205 isn't exactly something to brag about for a guy who tips the scale around 250 but its still a 90lbs increase which I'm quite proud of. With enough determination I might just be able to get my weight and my bench to pass each other before the year is out. I said I'm going to try to lose 10 lbs by christmas so if I can do that and increase my bench by another 40 lbs I'll be happy, ecstatic really. I have no intention or desire to look like one of the huge muscle freaks but I'd like to get into shape and a little muscle couldn't hurt, In the words of Kevin Spacey in American Beauty, "I want to look good naked." Probably not an image you wanted to haunt your dreams but hey thats your problem not mine. Anyway I think those are my biggest faults and I'm addressing them all, except the one I can't address alone, and in reality there is a better solution to the financial woes but thats not going to happen right away. So thats how it is.

Peace!