So much to say

Hey in case you haven't noticed its Election Day! But I'll get into that later so its at the top of the page.

Das Halloween

A fuckin' roller coaster of a Halloween. I'll write this up real brief cause I have a lot to say and not much time. First off I went as a PEZ Dispenser, or specifically an Obama PREZ Dispenser. Corny, yes, but it was amusing and apparently liked by enough. I threw a small Obama sticker on the back just to make it clear it wasn't meant to insult our next president. I got one snide comment about the sticker, oh well. This all went on at a big party at the holiday inn, where I met up with some friends I haven't seen in a really long time. One downside to my costume, its hard to pull a beautiful woman in close to dance when you're wearing a cardboard box. Still had a blast, danced like a fool and then with the help of my friends I won the Most Original Costume Contest. The judges narrowed it down to three then at the end of the night the crowd picks the winner. My friends were like a religious cult band, they could have been an SNL skit, but they were the only ones of the top three still there. So the MC told Where's Waldo and the PREZ dispenser to come up. My friends actually got booed by the crowd, I'm not sure why but they were out. So they screamed for me and I jumped around like an idiot and got the loudest cheers. Pretty sweet. Won a hundred bucks too! So that much of the night was great.

Then went back to my friends party where everyone was pretty drunk, and apparently feeling frisky. Three of my female friends are on a couch with another girl laying across them repeatedly lifting her shirt for the amusement of all. Pictures were taken and nipples were sucked. Almost all of us found it hilarious, the one who didn't will become significant later on. Another female friend decided it would be a good idea to make out with most of the guys at the party, I can't say it was bad idea. I have always mentioned that my friends are a little crazy right? It was all in good fun. We find a couple of sober drivers and head back to where we started the night (I didn't mention that part as it was just getting costumes ready), as we left in high spirits a spotlight shines on us from the porch of the house we're leaving, telling us to move along. We shout back naturally, then the light goes out, oh thats not our friend, thats a cop. He told us to get moving. I did think it was odd that the crowd of drunks piling into cars and the cops didn't even ask if we had sober drivers, which we did. Apparently in the other car the shenanigans continued between one friends wife and another friends girlfriend, again most just thought it was funny, most. That stuff continued until two wifes decided to kiss each other while siting on my lap. Thats when one husband finally flipped out, ironically my lap wasn't the problem. My friends trust me, shit one friend told me that if he walked in and I was in bed with his girl he'd still assume nothing was going on. They've probably just seen me hit on women and know how bad I am at it. But anyway he flipped out and started screaming, then it gets weird, another friend was flipping out on the other wife who responded with even more screaming. We assumed the cops would be on their way by this point. At this point the two that were really screaming I wasn't concerned about, they fight when they drink, and they (she) had drank a LOT. The important thing about their fights is that they're just verbal. So we all thought we had seen the drama of the evening, it was probably 4 am by this point so I head for the couch and the others head to bed. I'm not sure I should really tell this next part, but I think I've implied enough already that if I don't tell it you'll assume worse than it was. I don't like airing dirty laundry like this but this blog is how I vent, and this was some very heavy shit and I need to get it out.

There's still yelling from downstairs as I turn off the light. As my head hits the couch I hear, "Help!" Oh fuck. I run down the stairs, think twice, run back up the stairs to get my other friend, and run back down, and mind you I don't run. I'm ashamed of two things that happen here, one is that when we got to the door we hesitated, it wasn't for more than a few seconds but I'm still ashamed that it wasn't instant. We go in, and he's screaming at us. Something gets thrown and the glass lamp shade smashes on the floor. The glass under my bare feet is no where near as sharp as the razors edge were standing on, I really and truly expected to get punched at this point as we backed him up towards where his wife was crying on the floor. It should be clear to anyone who reads this that by nature I am not a fighter, but I've got an easy 60 lbs on him and more importantly he's still recovering from a badly broken leg. At the same time I know there was a time when he got in a lot of fights and I know that if this goes down it won't be pretty for anyone, but I can honestly say that my own well being wasn't being factored into the equation. Far too much adrenaline coursing through my veins to be worried about petty things like that. When my friend, his wife, is crying on the floor with a fat lip the only thought in my head is, "Do I kill him?" My life has never had me in a situation like this before, it's common enough in movies that you think about it and you think you know how you'll react. But when suddenly its a close friend who you're expecting to clock you it's a very different thing. If he'd threw a fist then it was a wrap, but as long as he didn't my pacifist side kept me held back, barely. I'm so glad that I hadn't drank very much and was able to take control of the situation, I eventually got everyone calmed down a bit. Got him to sit on the couch, she went upstairs. I probably reacted correctly, but I have to admit that friend or not, a part of me wishes I had beaten the shit out of him.

Eventually they calmed down a bit and she agrees to go back downstairs, and I went with them. I laid on the love seat with two pitbulls and listened to way way more than any friend should about marital problems coming from their room, but there was no more screaming. There was more I could add but I think you get the point. I was so angry that I skipped what was probably an awesome Halloween party the next night.

So that was my roller coaster, or swan dive I suppose, of a night. Hope everyone else had a fun Halloween. Oh and if the person who this is about happens to read this and has a problem with it, fuck you don't slap your wife, and I'll probably see ya later.