Reverend Trout?

Hehe... Yeah I'm going to get ordained. Kilgore Trout isn't my real name but you get the idea.

I'll back up real quick, my friend finally decided to marry his girlfriend of the last 10 years, they have two amazing kids already and I'm really not sure why he didn't do it years ago. He took me and another friend to ask us a question, he asked the other guy if he would be his best man, that was how he told us he's getting married, then he asked if I would be another groomsman or whatever they call the other guys. I said of course, then he said oh and we're thinking about having the bridesmaids wear suits and the guys wear dresses, actually tootoo's (I've never written too-too before, how is it spelled?) at which point I said can I be the priest dude? Oh and fittingly we were a little drunk at this point. So I looked into it and I think I'm going to get legally ordained, yeah I know I'm an atheist but I do love irony. Plus I'm going to get ordained from the Spiritual Humanist's. I'm not spiritual but I'm ok with the Humanist title, speaking of title's if I pay extra I get to pick my own. I kinda like the sounds of The Very Esteemed Kilgore Trout. As much as this is going to be a very laid back wedding, I still want to do a good job and make it nice. Yeah we've talked about calling the groomsmen pall bearers and having them carry the groom in a coffin to the "alter" while a punk band plays the imperial march from star wars but I'd like to do my part seriously. It is a wedding after all and I'm pretty sure that it will be the only wedding either of them will have, unless the renew the vows stuff, but unlike some weddings I've been to I really think this one can last, I mean shit they've survived each other for 10 years already, thats gotta be the toughest part.

Ugh, still means that I gave myself the hardest part of the wedding, they just say I do, some short vows then kiss, they can do that drunk, I've gotta talk for like ten minutes and I probably will be drunk. I know what I need...

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield.

Everything is better with a little Dangerfield on top. Oh and I heard that George Carlin died. That sucks, he was good, I'll miss him.

Oh wow, here's an unexpected voice, “The total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.” -Bertrand Russell. I wouldn't have expected that outta Bertrand.

“I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” -Rita Rudner
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” -Henny Youngman
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." -Oscar Wilde
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
-Henry Youngman

This should be a fun wedding.