Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Just Fuck It A Little

Yeah I was in a bad mood and I can see why you guys thought I meant that I hate everything or whatever. I didn't mean that I was going to be cold and detached from my friends, although I have realized that I really can't verbalize my problems with more than a very few friends, and they aren't even my closest of friends. Plus not surprisingly I can't say anything to my guy friends. I should make it clear that my friends are the shit and they'd listen if I talked, its me, I just can't do it. So when I have a bad day I do what any man is supposed to do with his problems, drowned them in a pool of alcohol. Is it the right answer? Hell no. But sometimes it easier to just forget. To let it all go, and good old fashion alcohol seems to be the best way I've found to get my brain to just shut up for a while. So when I said fuck it all I really mean is that I'm going to try to stop letting myself fall for every woman who speaks with me. I'm never going to be truly cold, well it's possible, there really was a time when I hurt people because I'd say whatever I wanted with no concern for others feelings because I just didn't think anyone cared enough about my opinions to be hurt by them.

But I can say anything I want, it doesn't mean I'm going to be able to follow through with any of it. I'd like to find a middle ground between the two poles of me, I don't want to be a cold bastard, but I also don't want to be the softie that gets crushed on a weekly basis. School is helping with that, test coming up hey would anyone like to study? It's just a coincidence that I always seem to study with ladies, usually the cute ones. Plus it's the perfect way to get to sit around and bullshit with a chick without any pretense. The fact that I'm one of the top students in every class also means that the cute girls are happy to study with me.

So I guess that just like the stock market, I had a bit of a fall, but I've rebounded a bit. Now I'm thinking that I just need to find that happy medium between the cold arrogant bastard, and the warm push-over, maybe thats what they refer to as cool. I might hang on to the arrogance though, humility gets you know where.

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