Much Betta

A few days ago I did a bit of bitching, woe is me and all that shit. Lets face it I go through my swings like everyone, theres good times and there are bad, and yeah maybe my swings are more severe than my life really justifies. My life is pretty damn stable, but I'm not. Maybe I just want change so badly that my emotions swing so it seems like my life is changing even when its not. But who cares about that Freudian bullshit? I basically said recently that I'm going to stop being a little emo bitch and ya know what, I feel a whole lot better. I also took a couple days off work, I said I was sick, which was true, of course it was the sort of sickness that has more to do with the chemicals of the brain (not added ones) than viruses or bacteria but so what? The important thing is that I feel better now. I will admit that much of my recent downward spiral was the new girl at work, shes quite easy to fall for. But I fucked that up real quick as is my M.O. and then partially because of that I was down all last week and hardly spoke to her or the other lady friends at the office. I wasn't trying to pay it cool or any of that I just had the distinct impression that she didn't want to talk to me, and seeing as she shares an office with the other girl I usually bullshit with I was pretty bored at work which just left me with more introspective wallowing. So what happens today when I finally head back to work? She stands at my door for half an hour bullshitting with me. Then I kicked her out saying I had to get some work done. So yeah I think I'll stick with being slightly cold, which I don't think is a bad thing. I think most people do it, I've been too open, too easy, and it's no good for anyone. It's not the way I would like things to be, I wish we could all be honest with each other and have life have fairytale endings but this is reality and I'm realizing that Machiavelli was right, there's the way things should be and the way things are. If I want to be happy in the real world then I need to wake up to that reality and stop being so damn nice all the time. Hmmm... maybe I'll try some new pick-up lines.